A word for living bigger and beyond

Choosing a word for the year forces me to take notice of where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m heading. I walk through my days like walking the beach in search of shimmery shards of sea glass. I’m looking for nuggets of insight for selecting the right word that will provide focus for an entire year.First, I noticed I was well into the new year and still had no Word for the Year. Many words were adopted over the previous weeks, but none lasted more than 48 hours. On the boulder-strewn path into the new year, one foot slipped down between a couple big boulders from last year. I was stuck. Somehow one foot stuck in between a rock and hard place with the other free foot groping forward seemed familiar.

As winds from the canyon behind and below swept passed me, so did chosen words from others waft by: mercy, true, grow, rest, seek, change, intentional, grateful, presence. Their melodic words were well-suited for them. Yet my word eluded me. All was unstable underfoot and within. Thoughts rose up and echoed back to me from the valley below: Those who already have their words are smarter than you. They are the rock stars; I’m stuck in the rocks. They are the ones for whom God has a plan.

Struggling to get unstuck
The more I struggled to get unstuck, the slipperier the slope. My wedged foot inched back down the hill with the shifting rocks. The over-extension of one foot forward and the other sliding backwards extorted more disapproving thoughts: You, the one who prompts others to choose a word, have no word from God yet. You are a fraud. You’re not trying hard enough. Maybe choosing a word for the year is a silly, insignificant exercise anyway.

The negative internal chatter collected right below the surface and leaked out at the least little distress, like the quest for a word. Roots to this destructive chatter sprouted in childhood. No doubt these roots kept the ground from caving in when my mother left. However, decades of proving, posing and perfecting had created root bound entanglement and stunted some growth. The search for one word exposed where I had been.

Finding insight in failure
Failing to find my right word revealed right where I am. While standing at a street corner the other day, umbrellas popped and rain pouring, I looked down at the feet of the young man in front of me. He was standing in a stream of water in the gutter anxiously waiting for the crosswalk signal to change. I wonder if his shoes are waterproofed. His clothes are going to get soaked by cars spraying him. Church will be uncomfortable with soggy socks and shoes. While I was pondering the consequences of not standing on the sidewalk, my tall husband stepped forward raising his umbrella over the soggy-shoed guy. I caught the contrast between my downward glance and my husband’s raised generosity. Instead of condemning myself, I simply noticed room for generous improvement.

In his book, A Grace Revealed, Jerry Sittser calls this process of room for improvement as character development. Chiseling our character is through some combination of “testing, trials, and training”. Sittser explains that “mature character reflects the character of Christ.” And the “visible manifestation of God’s redemptive work in our lives” enables us to live “bigger than our circumstances.”

Having glimpses of character maturation in progress, I am more inclined to step into living bigger this new year. Ahh…hope. When I stopped wrestling with, and twisting the truth with chatter, my wedged foot broke free from the rocks.

Simply taking the next step
Blood rushed back into my foot and into my thoughts as I revisited a word for the year. A word is not a forceful shove from behind, nor a towline dragging me forward. My word for the year accepts my past, my present, and recognizes the journey ahead. A word for the year is compelling, clarifying, defining and stretching. God’s invitation with one word is simply taking the next step that beckons me to keep becoming all that He intended for me.

In A Quest for More, Paul Tripp reveals how we can get from limited vision and immobilizing insecurities to the beyond, “Grace reaches in, pulls us out, and locates us in a place that is more exciting and meaningful than anything we could have ever conceived of ourselves.” All I know to do is to trust the giver of this grace.

I am relying on the giver of grace to help me ENDEAVOR in 2016. Endeavor is pressing on by choosing to accept grace, choosing to experiment, choosing to risk, and choosing to commit…beyond my level of comfort and beyond my self-centered insecurities. And it doesn’t hurt that the above video clip reminds me that endeavor includes choosing to see the humor too.

In relationship with others
I phoned a friend who offered me space and grace that emboldened additional character formation:

Me: I’ve been struggling. Are my wacky thoughts about my search for a word silly?

Friend: I’m glad you called. Your thoughts are significant and not to be dismissed or minimized.

Me: Thanks for listening friend. Your validating me and my thoughts help me to continue to stretch beyond my fears and insecurities. 

Letting go
I am endeavoring to let go of negative chatter that says I am less than who God designed me to be.

Choosing better
I am endeavoring to focus instead on the grace giver and embracing the grace given.

Speaking up
Have you adopted your word for the year? No judgment or pressure. This conversation is missing your voice.